Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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