What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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