everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
