i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize