The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
