WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
