have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
