Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
