A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
