They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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