No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
