After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
