i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
