pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
