Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
