Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
