Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
