Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
