So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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