I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
