using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
