Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
