I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize