quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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