Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
only you would photoshop your dick
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
