That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
