My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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