dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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