never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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