I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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