dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
