so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
