I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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