Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
