oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
