I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
