Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
