i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize