he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
