All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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