He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it glows. i had to have it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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