and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
