I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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