did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I touched a dick in church today
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
