I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize