Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
