Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
