Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't deserve a penis
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
