remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
