hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
