There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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