I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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