Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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