He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
