maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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