fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
