FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have aggressive nipples.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
