Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
