So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
