i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
