Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
