Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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