And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
