is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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