i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
