why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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